Politico wrote yesterday about a Monmouth University poll that found 7 percent of respondents reported losing a friend over debates centered on this year’s presidential election. I was actually surprised it wasn’t higher, given the shades of nastiness that color just about every social media discussion I’ve seen that includes the names “Trump” or “Clinton.”
What I’ve noticed, as a guy who gets paid to arrange words into sentences, is that it’s because most of the more passionate “discussions” — now there’s a charitable word — aren’t rooted in why Person A supports Candidate B, they’re focused on why Person C is a republic-threatening moron for supporting the evil incarnate that is Candidate D. It’s a key communications truth: If you argue a negative, the reaction to your argument is far more likely to be negative. Or, as our mothers told us, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
So, how can we talk Election 2016 with our friends without losing any of them? Try this:
Be persuasive, not corrosive: Sure, it’s nearly impossible to change someone’s mind in a social media back-and-forth, but if you know who you’re going to vote for, why not throw your online energy into explaining why you made that decision? Focus on your guy or gal’s good traits, not the other guy or gal’s bad ones. A little artful description — “My candidate has the experience and temperament to be president”; “My candidate is a political outsider who will take on the powers-that-be that have not moved the country forward” — gets across quite plainly what you think are the shortcomings of the candidate you don’t support. Clear message – incendiary method = keeping more friends.
Step away from that meme: In communications terms, think of memes — whether they be pictures of Gene Wilder and Kermit the Frog looking bemused saying something snarky about the candidate or party you oppose, or a list of “facts” about the atrocities said and/or done by the candidate you dislike — as plagiarism. You are advancing someone else’s thoughts as your own — usually without proper attribution. If that doesn’t persuade you, realize that the content of most memes are about as reliable as the content of the National Enquirer: They may get attention, and a laugh, but they rarely get their facts right. Their only real purpose is as a thermonuclear conversational bomb — swap three or four of those with friends and one of you is going to take shelter behind the “block” button.
Learn to live “no comment”: I never advocate actually saying the words — it sounds like you have something to hide — but saying them is unnecessary anyway. If you’re being interviewed, and someone asks you a question that doesn’t naturally lead to a point you want to make, I advise executing what I call the “bump and run” (sign up for your free ROAR 4×4 over at the home page to learn more). But if you’re in a social media discussion, there isn’t even a need to bump. Just run. Ignore the post about why your candidate is deplorable or a crook. Let someone else fight this one — you know they will. Prioritize relationships over rhetoric — and post a cute cat video instead. The friend you keep just may be the one whose counsel, and support, you’ll really need after Nov. 8.
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